The Mall

We were at 'The Mall' last week. The Mall is a good place to observe Holiday Bliss. It's full of Bliss; decorations everywhere, party dresses on hangers, stacks of sweaters on sale, and people everywhere buying things for others... things others don't need. It was business as usual. The Holidays.
As my son and I walked through Macy's I noticed the strapless party dresses; short, with frill around the bust. They reminded me of the dresses from the roaring twenties. Do women really wear those 'party' dresses? Are there really parties where people dress like that? I decide it's time to buy new teeth and try to meet the Jeffersons. The excess. The bliss. Don't people in the city watch the news? Is the story different?
The orgy is over. America is now broke. We don't have the money to finance our desires anymore. People are losing homes. Banks are failing. Automakers need a bailout. Real estate lost 2 trillion dollars in 2008. China owns us. Am I the only one worried about the future? Am I needlessly worried about nothing?

Looking around I realize I'm the oldest person in the mall . Or at least it seems so. Now I am depressed; not only do I feel like a killjoy, but an old humbug of a Grinch too.

Thirty years past my prime mall carousing days, I can only wish I was young and handsome and attractive to the numerous young women that 'eye' my son and ignore me. I'm happy and proud for my son. I tell him enjoy every minute of being young. I think that life is too short and youth (the shortest segment of life) is way too short. The hell with growing old gracefully. Nobody at the Mall is living in reality except the minimum wage store employees waiting to get off work and join the consumer orgy of Bliss themselves.

So I decide I'll join the fantasy... I give a wink to a young women looking in my son's direction, and Boom Baby, Like a Bomb reality slaps me almost as quick as that girl could twist her neck and look in the other direction.
Worse yet my son sees what happens and chastises me for not knowing how to act. So much for Holiday Cheer and Good Will. She could have humored me a little. I didn't want to marry her. I didn't even care if I knew her name. I just wanted to be thirty years younger, dumber, cooler, and irresistible. And she could have done all of that with an air kiss or a wink.

Instead it was whiplash.

Not that I would have believed she was sincere, but later when I was alone, the male ego could make anything reality. Oh Well.

I start to think about how if I'd only known how Austin men don't age gracefully, I would have tried harder to be a good husband. Shocked back to the ugly truth, I try smiling at an older women looking at the party dresses; she looks me up and down and walks away, obviously not impressed with my dress and lack of obvious wealth. Damn, I was only trying to make her feel good about being old, too. I could never be interested in anybody whom would actually buy and wear one of those silly dresses.

I tell myself, "You've known love, romance, passion. You had your day. Aren't you a little old for such shallow measures of worth?" But the Annie L song 'Stay Young and Beautiful' keeps popping into my head.

Now, too old and poor and ugly for the Mall, I feel like a spaghetti western without Clint Eastwood. I tell myself it's not too late. I'm not all washed up. I realize I can still have all the love and desire that money can buy, and the male ego can make it real.

All right, now we're getting in the Holiday Spirit. The Bliss.

Later, lamenting to my son about the emphasis put on attractiveness, and how it's making me feel old....

He says, "I know, I started going to city college and met lots of new girlfriends. When I started at Berkeley, I met 'the bomb' and dropped the others. I lost the bomb in pursuit of the BA, but got the degree. And with every degree the quality of my women goes up. I can't wait to pursue my Law degree, or Masters." ...All for the desire of an education.

And then I was happy. None of us get forever on this earth, but it is fulfilling to see the evolution and immortality of ourselves in our descendants.

I hope When you are at the mall this year you'll think of this letter and remember : The orgy is over. America is now broke. We don't have the money to finance our desires anymore. People are losing homes. Banks are failing. Automakers need a bailout. Real estate lost 2 trillion dollars in 2008. China owns us.

And then find the money and pretend. Join the Bliss. It's Christmas and life. Especially youth, is way too short. Happy Holidays.

By the way, YOU look marvelous... Wink, Wink!