Monday, November 28, 2011

I was Defeated

A friend of mine said to me recently, "Well , I guess you've turned it around, Brad." I thought about that for a moment. Compared to a year ago, circumstances are a lot better than last Thanksgiving. Compared to five years ago it's another world . It always is. So , I replied, " Yeah, but I feel like I've turned "it" around so many times that I'm dizzy. What are you gonna do? My brother says, You can never give up, even if it's chasing your own tail. Sooner or later you'll get a good bite and learn something."
Probably not to bite yourself, but the point is, never give up. It's seldom as bad as it seems. 
Ah, yes , It's turned around,...a year ago I felt like I had sacrificed forty months of hard work and sacrifice in the mountains, to return to Sacramento and take advantage of the real estate market, only to lose my money on a worthless piece of property. Eventually, I lost twenty thousand dollars on the property, plus six g in back taxes I had to pay, but in the end, it wasn't all my money, the property sold, and the plan came together at 4360 71st st. The end result made up for the floundering in the middle, although 20G 's a high price to learn a lesson, but the worse part was not losing the money, it was living the mistake.
Beating myself up mentally. Knowing what I gave up to return to Sacramento; the cabin and all I sacrificed to build it, well, it was like losing my stake, and one to the heart. Depression had me. I lost my faith. Lower I sank into the funk of "shoulda , woulda , coulda". Finally I started selling possessions and studying Chinese, trying to pump myself up for a foreign adventure and the effort to make old investments pay off. I was terrified. I was walking around with that stake in my heart and the black trying to defeat me. I booked a flight to China and canceled a flight to China. I wasn't ready. I was terrified, unhappy. Life was like the first days on the mountain again when all was uncertain and I was lost. Again I was humbled and I knew; Without Faith I was going nowhere. Without GOD, without the FORCE, without something to believe in, I was defeated. And although I had not given up, I had not the faith to act. I was deep in the black of my mind.
I was driven to my knees to beg for forgiveness for my arrogance, my sins, my short memory. I gave praise to Almighty God for all our previous success that I had squandered. And of course I asked for a break, pleaded my side a bit, and begged for things to "turn around". 
I'm not religious. I believe in THE FORCE. We can say GOD, though I believe it's more like Star Wars. I also know that, with effort, thought manifests into reality, but, whatever the reason, shortly thereafter, life got quickly better. My old house was purchased. The worthless property I had foolishly purchased a year earlier,.....SOLD. I was flush. I had work to occupy my time. I re-made the money I lost. And the very best part is/was I'm not living with a stake through my heart. All Glory be to GOD, that magical FORCE that need only be believed in to furnish faith and success,................................. Yeah, I'm lucky,

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